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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Quit Apologizing.


I know you fucked up. I know that you know that, too. You blunder your way though life, through people. When you're blind--and you're blind most of the time, be honest, your regrets prove you have hindsight--you leave unintentional destruction in your wake. You leave behind an emergency room full of victims. Awareness amplifies the agony. You watch as you deliver the blow and you wonder if the day will ever come when you can be something other than a spectator to your own behavior. You'd put a vise clamp on your mouth if you could. You'd stay awake 23-7 if it meant you could do all the things that would make everyone happy. You'd do anything to make it all better.

Some broken things won't ever come back together.

Accept that you won't receive absolution for the wounds you've left behind. Be thankful when someone surprises you with forgiveness. Don't wear it too thin. Do more than promise to change. Make the effort to effect the change that's needed. You can be more than play at being an audience of one to your own stupid behavior.

Forgiveness runs through a thin cord. It's not infinitely strong. It can be worn out.

Forgiveness relieves. Actions heal.


Aerozopher said...

Thanks for this Anthony

Elephantiasis said...

Most welcome, Aero. Don't let regret stop you in your tracks.

Ann Droid said...

Even though it is painful to type and I must soon put down the laptop to put the oxygen mask back on I must say thank you for this and your previous posts. I know it is too late to atone for my wrongdoings in adequate fashion and I withdrew from the "me" of myself years ago but your posts brought a tear to my dried out eyes and reminded me, if only for a fleeting glimpse, of what my life used to be, to fight to live through physical pain and emotional barren landscapes, and as Churchill said if you're going through hell keep going. Blessings to you Anthony Waters and I hope your life brings you well deserved love and peace.

Elephantiasis said...

Hey there Miz Ann Droid,

I hope you find some love and peace as well. You sound like you could use a little--maybe a lot.

Churchill was right.

Don't give up on love.