Round and Round and Round it Goes.....
...Where it Stops Nobody Knows.
That's what sticks most in the craw when it comes to inner demons: they never stop having a say in your life. You wish they'd just go and stay gone.
Our media makes us addicts to the Miracle Cure. Have a weight problem? Try the Zone, the Paleo, the Crawl, the Butterfly, the Strain. You're unhappy? Buy a car! An iPad Mini will put a smile on your face if the iPad didn't. Just get yourself a new house, a better job, more money, a man, a woman, Jesus, a baby, a submarine, a rocket-powered elephant, and all your problems will vanish. The message says internal turbulence has an external pacifier. Wouldn't that be lovely?
Your inner demons are a part of you. You were compelled to make them. You survived by staying hidden in their twists and folds. Then conditions changed. You grew up. You got out. The folds ceased to be protection; they caught your feet, tripped you up, held you back. You sought help and met your demons face-to-face for the first time. You came to understand them a little. Session by session you regained the control you'd handed them when the world was too hard to face any other way. You learned how to hold on when they fought back. You found you were strong enough on your own. Now you don't need them any more.
The inner demons don't know that, don't want to hear it, won't ever believe it. Their reality will forever be the nightmare that gave them purpose and they will always try to make you see the world through their eyes. You can dismiss them, calm them, quiet them, but forget about getting rid of them. They are part of your framework. You don't reach peace by waging war against yourself but by achieving a detente with the little bastards. They ruled you, once upon a time. You have to parent them to keep them quiet.
Periodically you'll slip and they'll drive you for a while.
Remember what you've learned and gently push them aside.
There is no Miracle Cure.
Healing comes one twist at a time.
2 comments:
I like how you make the demon do the twisting in the image, as if 'one twist at a time' isn't something we experience, it's something we apply to the pressures inside us, pressuring us back. I remember all sorts of little mistakes, things I regret through the years and they're still scars even though I'd be willing to bet that those I'd 'wronged' haven't thought of those moments since then. I think demons can serve another purpose; to keep us from treading their paths again. If they pop up just before we re-invoke them, then I welcome their presence. Others, though, seem to constantly nit pick past the point of usefulness. As usual, you write and draw extremely well about universal subjects. Thank you, sir.
Mike, you leave the best, most thoughtful comments. I love you.
Kathleen taught me that demons rise to protect a part of me from harm. They're as much a part of me as the Little Kid, hard as that is for me to swallow, most of the time. That awful voice nagging at me, telling me I'm worthless, talentless, will amount to nothing, that I'm fundamentally unloveable--that's serving to PROTECT me??
The answer is yes. By avoiding entering the dating scene, I dodge getting hurt. I avoid trying for the brass ring, I dodge the pain of disappointment should I miss with my first grab. Christ, it IS part of me. The part of me that wants to hide forever.
Knowing gives you power. It lets you calm the demon. Or, as you wrote, you can welcome them. You can't heal the broken parts by burning them out or chopping them off. You embrace them and the sickness begins to melt away.
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